| (no subject) |
[Mar. 28th, 2008|11:27 pm] |
I love a man.
He stole my heart away.
And I hope he never returns it. |
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| Haunted |
[Mar. 5th, 2008|03:44 pm] |
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Begone foul past!
I do not desire such night dreams,
I do not ask for such emotions,
I do not welcome such memories!
Oh God,
what a fool I have been,
the price I now pay,
is the price for my actions prior.
It is time to move on,
move ahead,
look ahead,
not be dragged down by the past.
Guilt is gone,
yet the body,
yes, the mind cannot forget,
how does one escape themself?
A dragon lay sleeping within me,
hidden deep beneath my breast,
waiting for a chance to awaken,
to spring from its lair.
An ugly dragon,
full of bitter memories,
sending its chills up my spine,
wrapping its claws around my mind.
Oh God, slay it already!
No more of these acursed dreams,
no more of the night horrors,
no more of these doubts.
I'm sick of blurred lines,
it disgusts me,
I have a past,
and I have a future.
That past should stay there,
in the back, far away.
Face looking forward,
nothing from behind.
Lord, remake me,
a clean slate,
or at least,
wiped down for the new.
Take away the bitter past,
I'm running so fast,
yet the shadows still catch me,
I'm haunted.
I look out the window,
see a bright, beautiful day,
I want to be like that,
clean and pure.
So broken down,
rewire me,
remake me,
remold me.
Take out this bitterness,
take away my haunted memories,
grant me mercy,
God, I feel so haunted.
*Claire*
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| His Blood |
[Jan. 21st, 2008|10:27 am] |
Was at church yesterday and had this thought for a poem get in my head. I could probably polish it a bit more, but I'm gonna post it as is...
His Blood
Blood running freely,
red rivers transforming dirt to mud,
the animals bleating cuts off,
behold the sacrifice of a lamb.
A life is ended,
a life is freed,
the Holy God is satisfied,
the smell of blood permeats the air,
the covenant of old.
Blood running freely,
nails piercing the hands,
agony,
the feet, punctured and set upon a cross,
thorns, a mocking crown.
What bittersweet agony!
The Son of God,
the Son of Man,
the sacrifice for the world,
HIs blood, mixing with the dirt,
tears of agony, tears of love.
His blood running freely,
to wash away our sins.
Behold, the sacraficial Lamb of God,
His blood flowing, His lungs straining,
the plunge of a spear in His side,
blood and water,
God's perfect gift of love,
the veil, torn in two,
perfect communion, a gift given,
salvation.
His blood has washed away our sin.
Blood running freely...
*Claire*
1/20/08
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| random, no title yet, praise. |
[Jan. 19th, 2008|05:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
O Lord, O Creator,
I praise your wisdom,
youth's foolishness is pillowed by
Your grace.
Despite my life,
despite my mistakes and stupidity,
You have a plan for my life!
By Your loving hand, Your infinite grace,
is my life the way it is today,
through You alone can I face
each day, Your wisdom blesses and teaches.
You have protected me from myself,
allowed me my foolishness,
yet mercy prevented deadly consequence.
Through trials and tribulations have I learned,
so many experiences gone wrong,
so many regrets to carry,
You were there through it all,
You carry me through the hard times now...
I thank You, I praise You,
You made me, thus you know me,
and You've saved me from myself.
*Claire*
1-17-08 |
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| Regret |
[Jan. 16th, 2008|09:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplatively distressed... | ] |
A heavy weight lays upon my soul.
Memories of a gift robbed from me,
the trials of trying to forget...
And then, years later, the decision,
walking away from my holy God,
turning my back on all that I knew,
thinking I knew best for my life.
Learning my limit for alcohol,
learning that painful mistake of no inhibitions...
The second mistake,
dating a man of no virtue,
giving him everything I had, held back nothing,
three months of worldly fun,
three months of heavenly regrets.
At last, salvation!
God hasn't forsaken me,
I had forsaken Him.
Then my next mistake,
dating a weaker Christian,
a pasisonate man, but no leader,
the base of friendship was gone,
lost to the ravages of time.
But the passion, oh, the passion,
that was still there.
Truly, truly, my mistakes are without number,
but this has to be among the top of the worst...
What gift have I now to give?..
All those years being taught caution,
so many lessons, sermons, lost.
What sermon is there for the defiled?
God forgive me.
Have mercy, ease the guilt, the regret.
Ease the burden on this foolish soul.
*Claire* |
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| White Rose |
[Apr. 13th, 2007|02:13 pm] |
White rose, white rose,
so perfect and pure,
petals of creamy softness,
scented from heaven above,
so soft and so gentle,
yet so crisp and alive,
such perfect beauty.
White rose, white rose,
so young and naive!
Let thine thorns out,
trust not so easily,
you will be bruised and hurt,
trust not the world.
Your freshness will flee you,
your beauty will fade,
bitterness will set in...
White rose, O white rose,
you've been trampled on the ground,
your petals are bruised and yellowed,
such tender perfection now abused.
The world has ruined you,
men have abused you,
women have scorned you.
Yet such forgiveness!
Heaven's scent still wafts to the sky,
white rose, sweet white rose.
*Claire* |
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| No Feeling |
[Dec. 13th, 2006|10:57 pm] |
My rock has disappeared,
my stability is shaken.
Where will the future lead to?
What is going to happen?
My stomach growls,
how will this week's groceries be bought,
how will our bills be paid,
can we keep our roof?
Moths live in my wallet,
green means nothing to me,
I just wnat enough to survive,
can I survive?
I have forsaken the Eternal,
walked away,
it holds no comfort,
no hope of future for me.
My lover looks away,
distracted by another,
yet holds my hand,
and tries to comfort.
I sit here now,
my world crumbling apart,
friends spiraling around me,
and I can't feel a thing.
I know someday there will be hope,
there will be food on the table,
I know my love will love me,
someday it will be me alone again.
But I can't see this hope,
can't touch it, can't feel it,
my heart is bleeding,
but I feel no pain.
*Claire* |
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| Hypocrite |
[Nov. 21st, 2006|04:33 pm] |
The time has come,
my end is here,
no more empty deciet,
no more lying to myself,
I am finished.
Too long has this gone on,
too long have I been afraid,
too long lived in shadow,
too long been someone else,
I want to be free.
So here I am,
take a good look,
turn your back,
or hug me and cry,
this is me.
Not of the same religion,
admitting finally to myself,
I've never truly believed,
it was all in my head,
just a well played farce.
I can say I knew it,
had all the head knowledge,
but it was never true,
never in my heart,
I never owned it.
So I say goodbye to it all,
don't follow me anymore,
I'm not on the same road,
I am exploring,
not like you...
Saying goodbye,
don't want to be hypocrite,
follow me as I follow...
don't quite know where I'm going,
I just run.
So now my dear friends,
please realize this,
I walk away for this reason,
I don't want to be false,
I am no hypocrite.
The things I do,
the things I say,
please don't pin them on the old,
thats not my religion,
its not their fault.
This is what I need to do for me,
if I say I believe it,
then I should believe it,
but if I don't really believe it,
I am a hypocrite.
I don't want to be false,
don't want to hurt,
so I say this to you now,
I am changing,
the colors are different.
Forgive me my friends,
I still love all of you,
but I have changed,
so don't expect to much of me,
I am different.
Don't label me a hypocrite,
I don't want to be one,
I do this out of respect,
for what I once was,
so I walk away now.
*Claire* |
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| Unclean |
[Aug. 19th, 2006|09:17 pm] |
Shock and regret permeate me,
who would want me now?
Even before,
I was unclean and impure,
but that was forced upon me,
not my choice.
This however,..
this was a choice,
something I wanted, needed,
no one can be blamed now.
I am to blame,
the only one to blame.
I am impure,
defiled.
I regret now my rash actions,
almost shocked with what I've done,
who would want me?
I am so unclean.
(nearly a whore)
*Claire* |
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| Ok, so this is both for poetry, thoughts and prayers... |
[Jul. 26th, 2006|01:53 pm] |
Psalm 27
"The LORD is my light and my salvation;
Whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the defense of my life;
Whom shall I dread?
When evildoers came upon me to devour my flesh,
My adversaries and my enemies,
they stumbled and fell.
Though a host encamp against me,
My heart will not fear;
Though war arise against me,
in spite of this I shall be confident.
One thing I have asked from the LORD,
that I shall seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the
LORD all the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the LORD
And to meditate in His temple.
For in the day of trouble He will
conceal me in His tabernacle;
In the secret place of His tent
He will hide me;
He will lift me up on a rock.
And now my head will be lifted up
above my enemies around me,
And I will offer in His tent sacrafices
with shouts of joy;
I will sing, yes, I will sing praises
to the LORD.
Hear, O LORD, when I cry with my voice,
And be gracious to me and answer me.
When You said, 'Seek My face,' my
heart said to You,
'Your face, O LORD, I shall seek.'
Do not hide Your face from me,
Do not turn Your servant away in anger;
You have been my help;
Do not abandon me nor forsake me,
O God of my salvation!
For my father and my mother have
forsaken me,
But the LORD will take me up.
Teach me Your way, O LORD,
And lead me in a level path
Because of my foes.
Do not deliver me over to the desire
of my adversaries,
For false witnesses have risen against me,
And such as breathe out violence.
I would have despaired unless I had
believed that I would see the goodness
of the LORD
In the land of the living.
Wait for the LORD;
Be strong and let our heart take courage;
Yes, wait for the LORD."
With a God this good, that such trust can be put in Him, why on earth am I so worried and scared? God has provided for our family in the past 7 months, why should I worry for next week? Did God not say that as He provides for the birds of the sky and the lilies in the field, He would provide for His children? How can I be scared of the future when I know God holds it? I should have the utmost confidence in what will happen to me and with me in the future, yet I find my prayers to God underlined with fear and concern for myself. I am saved! My life is nothing, I should have fear and concern for those who are unsaved, yet my heart is full of dread. Why? Simply put, I am not trusting Him. I have strayed so far, it's so much harder to come back to His throne in humility. Lord, forgive me, a wretch! I have lusted, lied, cheated, given myself out to others, defiled myself, hated You, talked against You, shamed You. Why do you love me? How do You love me? I am nothing. Humble me Lord, make me new, make me like You. Transform me. Prepare me for the friends that will turn away, prepare me for the hurtful words and actions. Let my happiness and joy be found in You and in You alone. Anchor me in You in these trials to come. |
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| New page, new chapter. |
[Apr. 14th, 2006|02:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
....this is going to be the online journal of all my poetry-the good and the bad. Feel free to comment on what you like or dislike, this is just a convenient method to keep track of what I've written. (I also like input on what I write-so that's a secret motive of this too) |
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| Room to Breathe |
[Jan. 22nd, 2006|09:58 pm] |
I love you,
yet I want to run.
You steal my breath away,
and I can't catch it back.
My love shackles me to you,
I can't decide for myself.
In your love you're blind,
you can't see my hurt.
Don't give me rules,
don't draw lines.
Slowly becoming what I flee,
saying what I fear.
I know you mean well,
I know you love me...
But you're clipping my wings,
placing restrictions on me.
Please understand me,
I'm not angry.
I just need you to know,
I'm scared.
I don't want to regret loving you,
yet that fear is real.
Give me room to breathe,
let me make my own decisions.
I'll sacrafice for you,
will you do the same for me?
Tell me this fear is needless,
that you understand.
Hold me close,
but give me room to breathe.
*Claire* |
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| Dream Giver (Dream Healer) |
[Jan. 20th, 2006|10:57 pm] |
I sit on my floor,
amid my dream globes.
Glassy shards protrude from the carpet,
delicate slivers pierce my clothes.
So many of my dreams are broken,
smashed by my own hand.
Others snatched from me,
I have no control anymore.
A drop of liquid crystal traces down my cheek,
as I finger the remains of a dream.
The fading images are of my dream college,
reality had shattered its delicate bubble.
All these globes are priceless,
they cannot be replaced.
But I know Someone,
He can make dreams come true.
I know I can trust Him,
He knows what best for me.
I carefully pick up the pieces,
and heft the dreams unbroken.
I will take these to their Maker,
He can decide what to do.
Mayhap it's best they be broken,
or mayhap He will re-make them.
Lifting up my broken dreams,
tears mixed with glass.
If I trust Him with my life,
I can trust Him with my heart.
My shattered dreams fall into His hands,
and peace washs over me.
His dreams for me I will claim as my own,
for He is re-making mine to be like His.
*Claire* |
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| Dream Globes |
[Jan. 14th, 2006|11:07 pm] |
My dreams lay out before me,
glittering and shining.
I slowly weigh them,
balancing on the Scales of Reality.
Considering the glittering spheres,
musing over their consequences.
I stop to think how they'd affect
my life, my friends, my family, my love.
Pick up one globe,
inside it are pictures and images.
Getting married-being a bride,
walking down the aisle, joy.
I gently place it to one side,
my pile of keeps.
Sadly, I gaze down into another sphere,
images of myself in the Navy..
I snatch up my hammer and lift it high,
swinging down on the fragile crystal.
Shards shatter.
The essense of the dream dissapates.
I look to another globe,
pick it up, caress it.
Then drop it to the ground,
letting it break on Eternity's Floor.
Ghostly dreams of adventure swirl around my feet,
then gently fade away.
Another globe is set aside to keep,
children peer through the glass.
My children.
My dream.
I lift another globe,
smash it against the wall.
Jagged shards of crystal dreams,
lay scattered on my floor.
*Claire* |
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| Almost Grateful |
[Dec. 19th, 2005|10:55 pm] |
What words have I to describe?
To describe and explain myself,..
It is my secret to tell,
my past, my memories, my burden.
It is not so much a burden now,
as it is a memory shaping me to who I am.
Something best left in the back of my mind,
in the far reaches of memory.
Yes, I have been wronged,
yes, he should be punished and justice served.
But I will not be the instigator,
from so much wrong had come so much good.
Pain and sorrow lead to healing and joy,
I am almost grateful.
I have no regrets,
all I have are lessons learned.
How can I explain this?
No words come to me.
I am not crazy, nor insanely loyal,
I am not bitter, nor afraid.
I just see no need to bring this
pain to innocent others.
This does not affect them,
and it is only to me.
The wrong was to me,
and so it is mine to carry.
But it will not be shared,
I will not bring more pain to this family.
It may seem hard to comprehend,
and its nigh impossible to explain.
Yet I will try regardless,
and so I say this:
I am almost grateful,
for all the wrong done to me.
*Claire* |
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| Divided |
[Apr. 16th, 2005|01:42 pm] |
My heart is divided,
one half for a boyfriend of old,
one half for a boyfriend of new.
The first, one from church,
who's Savior is mine as well,
and who's goals were parallel to my own.
The second, a friend from school,
who's beliefs are similar, but not the same,
and who's goals are still questionable.
I do not even know if the first
still loves me,..
I only know he is so vivid in my memory.
I do not know if the second has even realized,
just how much he reminds me of my first.
I am divided,
between whom I loved,
and one whom I'm still learning about.
The first haunts my memory,
the second follows my shadow,
who's the real one?
Which will come forth,
out of my mind's shadows,
to be the flesh and blood by my side?
The first, from memory's lane,
or the second, springing up
from the shadow behind me?
I am divided,
between the first and second,
who will win?
*Claire* |
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| Forever in Time |
[May. 2nd, 2004|09:29 pm] |
I'll always remember you smile,
the way you throw your head back
when you laugh.
How you can look across a crowded room,
look me straight in the eye,
and know how I'm feeling.
Memories of people are priceless,
they're embedded in the mind forever,
trapped in Eternity's weave.
And so with each memory of you,
I'm capturing you,
imprinting your memory in my mind.
So wherever I go,
whomever I'm with,
you are there with me.
Because I'll remember you always,
and I know what'd you do in my position.
Your memory is in time forever,
because my mind has your imprint.
*Claire*
May 2, 2004
21:29 |
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| Spirit of the Night |
[Sep. 29th, 2003|10:05 pm] |
Strands of gossomier moonbeams shine down
from the starry heavens above.
Stars twinkle and blink in the sky.
Diamonds on black velvet.
Shooting stars dance and sing their
eternal joy and praises.
Praises to their Creator.
The water laps calmly on the shore,
reflecting the moon's beauty of Light.
The moon hangs in the night sky,
glowing its milky white perfection for all to behold.
Music of the Eternal can be heard,
whispered quietly on the night breeze.
Trees sway to the music as that breeze
carries the melody to them.
The evening star shines down to below,
glittering and glowing,
resonating the beauty of all.
Moonbeams play on the night spirit.
Behold, the Spirit of the Night.
*Claire* |
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